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I DON’T LIKE KEVIN HART

By Izu Osuigwe
I have tried to see what others see in Kevin Hart’s jokes, often without success.
I have given him fair shakes, by downloading his video clips to watch, I hardly view beyond 1 minute.
I don’t know whether it was because they were free contents I downloaded, not paid for?
Bros, I have genuinely sat my ass down to watch his clips!
I have watched without being inebriated
I have watched drunk on Hennessy.
I have watched when I am very happy.
I have watched stoned out of my head with Ikare Weed.

That his squeaky voice sure makes me ill.
I am unable to connect!
It always seems to me that Kevin wakes up on Saturdays, then have this brain wave of the abundance of virgin jokes in the ghettos, he arms himself with cheap whiskey and head off to the projects, his eyes twinkling with the smartness of the whole scheme!
Yeah! Give them bros, cheapie, in return for those wonderful jokes he would repeat in eclectic venues and engender quality monetary recompense and laughs.
The ghetto guys, infused and inebriated with cheap alcohol, tells cheap jokes, kevin under the influence of same low cost scotch, finds the terrible jokes very funny..

He bags the jokes in the same knapsack he used to carry the whiskey and head back to civilisation!
As he and his cohorts drive back, he orders no music in the car, as his small eyes dart here and there in concentration of the best ways to reorder the jokes and the punchlines.
Once ready, he besiege promoters and event organisers with non stop calling, pleading to be included in the next comedy night.
He goes there and regurgitate the dry jokes.
At this point, the Emperor’s New clothes syndrome takes over.
See, if Zuckerberg is in a room and attempts to crack a joke, no matter how cheesy the attempt was, every person in that room would be falling on the ground, even when he was yet to release the punchline.
So it is with Kevin Hart. People conclude since it’s from Kevin, the humour in the joke is a given.
Failing to laugh to a Kevin Hart joke means you are a hillbilly philistine..
So they all laugh to his dry jokes.
Look at Eddie Griffin, you don’t need to have heard or seen him before, to laugh at his jokes. I don’t even want to mention the likes of Dave Chappelle or Eddie Murphy!
Listening to these guys jokes, you do not feel that sense of being blackmailed that you feel, as you struggle to reconfigure your face into a laughter shape in response to Kevin Hart’s squealing.
Yeah, that’s how his voice sounds, squeaky! Like a mouse being strangled with a string. And someone finds that funny? Give me a break please!
All you guys pretending to find his jokes funny are suffering from a yet to be diagnosed delinquency.
He should give up that comedy stuff for a door man job! That would suit him fine. Those his darting eyes calculating whether the extent he opened the door matches the corpulence of the visitor
Right, his trademarked non verbal anxiety on the accuracy or not of his open door calculation would sure make for a good laugh.

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